As a young man in transition, chivalry has always been a spotty topic. I often thought that since I was raised by a woman, then I would automatically know how to treat one-- I was WRONG. Being raised by a strong black woman, I never really defined chivalry for myself. I often went off what others (generally females) told me, as to what it meant to display chivalry.
Females and males alike told me things such as: opening car doors, walking on the outside of the sidewalk, pulling up the car, introducing her to people, and calling to see if she got in safely . Indeed, I believe all of those before mentioned things exemplify the act; however, as I continue to explore the facts, as well as myself, I am learning some fundamental things about the topic. Things that have both, reaffirmed and redefined what chivalry really means to me.
Chivalry originated from the medieval time period. Back then, the word was associated with knighthood, and the merits of honor and courtly love. Today the word is mainly linked to considerate acts towards women. In fact, due to often misuse of the word, throughout time, the real definition seems vague.
So I looked to others to help me gain perspective. I was told by one female, that a man should open up doors for ladies out of respect. Point well taken, I consider myself respectable, so I did so. In the very next breathe, I heard that same young lady call another female a b*tch. So I am thinking, you want me to respect you and other ladies, yet you disrespect other women?
Another example, I attempted to pattern myself after an older fellow, whom I admired from afar for the way he treated women. I mean my man was SMOOTH. Did, and said all the right things. All up until I figured out he had like 20 girlfriends and was lying to all of them.
Perplexed by what I’ve seen and heard, I choose to define chivalry for myself. The definition started not with a girlfriend, an opened car door, or a formal introduction. No indeed, I looked no further than my own household to try and find what chivalry meant to me.
I found that the way I wanted my sister, as well as my mother treated, is the way that I am going to choose to treat all women. As simple as that.
In all my imperfection, the women that I love will serve as my illustration and lay the blueprint for how I will treat all women. I would suggest that philosophy to the rest of my fellas--because you can’t lose.
It’s ironic that we will fight over somebody disrespecting our mother’s and sisters, but yet, will quickly disrespect somebody else’s mother or sister.
The fact of the matter is good guys may not open doors, and bad guys may, but the truth lies within that man’s intent. Fellas, don’t feel pressured to do anything that you are not ready to do. Be genuine in your intentions, there are no set rules! Do yourself a favor though and don’t listen to what other people tell you to do, take the time to get to know how you want to treat a lady, and apply your own rules. Actions without meaning can be dangerous. They lack significance and if that be the case, then what’s the point? Peace.
